I mean, I could go through it point by point and indicate everything wrong with it, but then it would look like this:
p.6
(NB: These are the pages according to my E-reader.They may not correspond perfectly to the print book)
Preface:
«It seemed oddly inevitable, though, facing death again.»There is nothing «odd», Bella, about death’s inevitability.Death and taxes, Bella, death and taxes.
Bella, you are not «marked for disaster» just because you keep survivingВ dangerous situations.You’re goddamn lucky.В
«If you loved the one who was killing you, it left you no options.»It isn’t noble to sit there and let someone you love kill you just because you love them.В You can still call the cops and then love them from effing afar.В
Also, chiming in with some hindsight gla*ses given that this rant most likely pertains to your life-sucking pregnancy, this is risking your life for your child, not just letting someone you love kill you.
There is a difference.В The fact that you can’t distinguish that difference is one of the many reasons why I think that you are a complete twerp.
Chapter 1:
«Two pedestrians were frozen on the sidewalk, missing their chance to cross as they stared.Behind them, Mr.Marshall was gawking through the plate-gla*s window of his little souvenir shop.»
But this is a town where the Cullens regularly drive sport cars about.Bella is supposedly driving a Mercedes Guard, but here’s the thing the car may be a tank, but it’s not that flashy.That makes sense if you think about it it’s meant to protect people, not look cool.
I sincerely doubt that this car is stopping pedestrians on the street and making people gawk out of shop windows.Bella is a paranoid weirdo, as usual, who thinks that everything is about her.Probably there’s a flamingo walking up the street and Bella has totally missed this bizarreВ occurrenceВ because she’s such a self-obsessed whack job.
«If I hadn’t been running on vapors, I wouldn’t come into town at all.»That brings up a good point.Bella, you live in small town America.If you don’t like driving your crazy new car, why don’t you walk like a normal person?You’ve obviously been driving this car, since it is «running on vapors».
Either walk, or stop whining.
«I had been going without a lot of things these days, like Pop-Tarts and shoelaces, to avoid spending time in public.»Not Pop-Tarts and shoelaces!How long-suffering is our heroine?The starving children of Africa don’t know how good they have it.If only there was someone else in the household who could do shopping, oh right, her father, but he can’t shop because he’s just a man, you know.
«Of course, there was nothing I could do to make the numbers on theВ gaugeВ pick up the pace.They ticked by sluggishly, almost as if they were doing it just to annoy me.»
Bella, I realize you have paranoid and narcissistic tendencies, but try to get a grip.EVERYTHING is not about you.
p.7
«It was stupid to be so self-conscious, and I knew that.»Do you?Do you REALLY?
«I briefly contemplated my issues with words like fiance, wedding, husband, etc.I just couldn’t put it together in my head.»
I realize that it must be exhausting to try and make both neurons fire at once.
«I just couldn’t reconcile a staid, respectable, dull concept like husband with my concept of Edward.»WARNING, WARNING if you can’t imagine your intended behaving in a reliable, respectable way as a husband, then DON’T MARRY THAT PERSON.As much as teenagers want to believe that romance remains exciting forever, the fact remains that a few years down the road, it’s going to be much more important to you that your husband is the kind of guy who comes home and helps out with the dishes than whether or not he sparkles in the sunlight.
p.8
«I swiftly put away the nozzle and crept into the front seat to hide while the enthusiast dug a huge professional-looking camera out of his backpack.He and his friend took turns posing by the hood, and then they went to take pictures at the back end.»
If someone is taking photos of the hood of your car, the front seat is a really stupid place to hide.Even if your side windows are tinted, the state of Washington doesn’t permit tinting on the main body of the windshield, so YOU ARE IN THOSE PICTURES.Especially since we have already established that it is «a typical drizzly day», so the reflection of the sun won’t save you.
«And missile-proof gla*s?Nice.What happened to old-fashioned bullet-proof?»
There is no such thing as missile-proof gla*s, Bella, unless you count «missile» literally, meaning anything someone has thrown, like a rock or maybe a grenade.Then again, you believed that Edward was a vampire without much persuasion.
p.9
«I hadn’t seen the в
