I can always feel it starting.That little tiny spark of frustration deep inside.And I know that it is going to grow.That one barely-visible spark is going to grow into a raging inferno of frustration.That frustration will breed anger and inevitably guilt. Tonight was supposed to be fun.It was supposed to be exciting.Rolling hair in spongy curlers, painting fingernails and toenails.Putting in new earrings.All in preparation for tomorrow the first day of first grade.We even did some last minute shopping.
But I ruined it.Once again I completely failed at being a mom.Instead of excitement there was yelling.Sure hair got rolled, nails painted and earrings changed.But also spirits were crushed and confidences were tattered.All because I didn’t deal with the spark of frustration from earlier in the day.
And my sweet girls fell victim to the flames.
It’s all my fault.After getting them in bed I sat holding a tiny baby boy, a mess of tears, sick to my stomach, wanting a do-over.But it was too late.
Once again I failed.Unfortunately it probably won’t be my last failure.But I ask for the forgiveness of a loving God and in the morning (because when I went in to apologize they were already sleeping) I ask for their forgiveness.
Now just to forgive myself.That’s another story.
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.(John 1:9)
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