This is a typical scene we see in Shanghai. As a matter of fact, I see it so much, so often that most of the time I don’t notice it anymore, until one day my husband made a comment, «Wow, Shanghai has a lot of lesbians!» Upon being asked for clarification, he told me that he sees girls holding hands. Holding hands with friends is very strange in western society but very popular in Chinese customs.This applies to both sexes but is more frequently practiced by girls.
In Shanghai, as in other parts of China, holding hands, walking arm in arm with happy giggles, touching each other on the arm, or shoulder rubbing in public is no indication of a person’s sexual orientation.Instead, it is only a sign of close friendship.Girls tend to do all of the above, especially when they walk or shop together.It’s also common to see mothers and grown-up daughters hold hands or link arms, too.Touching the other person is indicative of how close one feels towards the other.Walking together without holding hands, on the other hand, means these two people are not close.In this sense, the interpersonal space is an accurate measurement (literally) of how close a person feels towards the one next to her.
Because of the cultural variation of interpersonal space, a westerner new to China tends to draw a premature conclusion that a girl holding the hand of another girl is a homosexual, based on her own cultural norm.I know from my own experience she is not.When I was in college, I always held my best friend’s hand when we were out for a walk between cla*ses and after dinner.Many of my friends did the same.I knew I was not attracted to my best friend in a romantic way.В Hand holding was such a social norm that we did not put much thought in it.
Having lived in the western society for twenty years and being aware of the cultural differences, I no longer hold hands with a girl friend, or my mother, even though I want to sometimes.I wish I were more expressive of my love and affection for my mom by holding her hands like every other mother and daughter out there!The cultural barrier makes me seemingly distant.Maybe I should explain that to her.But I think deep down she knows how much I care about her, and I also know for a fact that she totally embraces me for who I am, someone with a perpetual relationship with the two cultures, getting the benefit of both, but ultimately resulting me being totally eccentric!
News: Samuel Kohan, PhD, Psychoanalyst Video
